Lentil Burgers

I had some leftover filling from my breakfast burritos (potatoes, onion, bell pepper, vegan cheese and tofu), and leftover cooked lentils from my mushroom lentil loaf... I decided they would be a perfect mix for some burgers. (One of my bosses told me that I'm not allowed to call anything vegetarian a "burger," but I think it's less incorrect than the "meatloaf" I brought in, sans meat.)

I'm finding that I can make a burger out of anything fairly pasty (for example, sweet potato, or in this case, the cooked lentils), then by adding breadcrumb and binder. I added some tahini to this mix, breadcrumb, and about two chia "eggs" (1/2 cup ground chia seeds, plus about 3/4 water). Mix, season (I used cumin, chili powder, a little ground fennel and salt and pepper). Mix by hand, keep tasting, and separate into patties to toast up in a pan.

I pre-cooked all of them, and then froze them in packs of two in aluminum foil in the freezer for re-heating.

Now that's so simple, we really need to talk about something else. I was wondering, are we really sure that Matthew Crawley is dead? I mean, he looked pretty dead. I realize that he was underneath the front wheel of a car and bleeding out the head, and then there's that frozen stare... But I'm thinking that there JUST might be a chance.

There's a small chance, right?

Breakfast Savory Crepe Burritos

I have a stepsister who lives in Washington state. If you can believe it, I don't think I've ever actually met her in the 25-some years my mom has been married to her dad. I do know, however, through my mom that she has been a dedicated vegan for many years. She gave me a great vegetarian crepe recipe, which involves chick pea flour and several ingredients. I've had them when my mom has made them for me, and they are very good. However, I have yet to buy any chick pea flour, and I don't often like too measure too many ingredients. So I came up with a "quickie crepe" recipe for savory crepes that is pretty good, and has fewer ingredients, and no measuring at all. The numbers listed are for "parts" - so, however much you like, in the following proportions:

• 1:1:1/2 parts Bisquick, whole wheat flour, and nutritional yeast, respectively 
• 1-2 Tblesp. miso paste, whisked smoothly into a little veggie broth, then added
• water and veggie broth until the mix is fairly thin 

So, that's one part Bisquick (vegan! Yay!) to one part WW flour, to a half part nutritional yeast. I just dump some Bisquick in the left side of a bowl, then add an equal part of the flour, then a half part nutritional yeast. Totally "eyeballed." The resulting crepes are just a little "puffy," and not as paper thin as a true crepe would be. However, they are satisfying and great for filling. I made breakfast burritos out of this batch, filled with a western-style tofu "scramble," lentils, and vegan cheese.

Tofu Scramble

1 diced baked potato (a leftover)
one diced bell pepper
one small diced onion
one package sliced mushrooms
1 block of pressed and crumbled tofu
garlic powder or blackening seasoning, salt and pepper
about a cup of cooked lentils, which I had withheld from my lentil mushroom loaf

I peeled my cooked potato (I make 5 or so baked potatoes at a time in the oven, so that I have them throughout the week for use in cooking, or to top for a quick lunch) and toasted it on high heat in a little vegetable oil until well-browned. Then I added and sautéed the pepper, onion, and mushrooms first, then added the tofu and lentils just to warm them through, and seasoned the mix. I put a little filling down the middle of a crepe, and added vegan cheeses on top. I folded them up, and decided that half would be plenty for a single breakfast!

I first folded them in Glad Press and Seal, then in aluminum foil. They "peel" more easily out of the freezer this way, are protected against freezer burn, and I can drop them in a bowl and re-use the piece of Glad wrap to re-heat them (about 2 minutes a side, covered and on high power).

Mmmm, steamy.

Now I have a hearty breakfast stockpile for the next several months, since I save these for my hurried work mornings.

Chicken and Sweet Potato Soup

This was a simple and hearty recipe from Clean Eating magazine, which is my current favorite source for recipes, along with Cooking Light. I do think Cooking Light tends to be a bit more reasonable, in terms of not going off the deep end eliminating every bit of sugar and salt. The idea of "clean eating" is to reduce or eliminate processed carbohydrates and refined sugar, and focusing on sweeteners with a low glycemic index. I have been eating this way for some time, and I didn't realize that the method had a name. I was thrilled to see a magazine all about a movement that I didn't even know existed, except in my house.

Most of the ingredients are "whole foods" - as close to their original form as possible. I don't tend to take things as far as they do - if a recipe calls for a teaspoon of Sucanat, well... I'm gonna grab the sugar, or a little honey. The fact that it is low-sugar is good enough for me. I've also found that most of their recipes really lack seasoning. I sometimes add more cumin, coriander, whatever I think might work, and I NEVER pay attention to how much salt and pepper they call for. I just taste it and add until I'm happy. I do like that they have a lot of meat recipes, for when I want that.

This is a not-great picture of their sweet potato, kale, mushroom and chicken soup. The recipe isn't on their site yet, but basically you bring chicken stock to a boil, then bring down to a simmer, and peeled and cubed sweet potatoes, wait ten minutes, then add cubed chicken, chopped kale, and baby bello mushrooms, and cook until all are tender. Serve with parmesan cheese on top, and a pinch of nutmeg. I would say I liked it, but it didn't re-heat as well as I'd expect a soup to (I think some of them get better with time). Very hearty and healthy, though.

German-ish Christmas Eve

I've hosted a few holiday meals since I've had the kids, but until this point, they've mostly involved paper plates at service time, lots of extra sticks and leaves in a messy front yard, a microwave I've had no time to clean that mornings splatter out of, and a very pretty vase that I'd put on the table, but forgotten to get flowers for. And I remember these things, because I've had the same two relatives who were only too happy to come over, and point these details out to me. Happy holidays!

Okay, so I'm starting with a little bile, there, but truly, TRULY, I love to host dinners. And I really do own a plate service, and some serving platters! So I was really excited when our friends Nick and Ania, and their two handsome little fellas could come over for a Christmas Eve dinner. My girls are just old enough to let me get some stuff done, and my sweet husband is only too happy to vacuum for me. (Also, we raked the leaves this year! Woo!)

Nick has a Germanic tattoo on his arm, and Ania is Polish, so I guess those things came together in my head to give me the idea of having a generally Eastern European, completely inauthentic-themed meal. You know - cabbage, potatoes, meat, and a beer or two. That sort of thing.

I started the meal with something that has nothing to do with Eastern Europe, and everything to do with "festive": Brooke's artichoke spinach dip, with toasted pita points.

Then, the one-two punch: the humbly self-titled World's Greatest Cornbread. I wanted to serve some bread with the meal, and nothing gathers compliments like Old Faithful. Also, I have put a piece of this bread on the bottom of a chili bowl many times, so I thought it work well to go under the brisket, and sop up some beefy juices. You see a clear theme now, right? Farm-y, Fourth of July picnic-y, BBQ-y, German-y. Makes sense to me.

Now for the brisket. My success in getting this meal together (with two kids three and under, and a heavier work-week up until the day before) is three-parted: 1) use internet rankings to find new recipes, and combine them with old stand-by's, 2) start everything two or three days ahead of time, and 3) get the groceries delivered. This last part freed up some extra time for me (for doing stuff like ironing tablecloths, and watching more television), and reduced my stress quite a bit. So I went with what was on special on Peapod - brisket!

I had never made it off the grill and in the oven, but my arch-nemesis, Paula Deen, had a very highly rated "Texas Oven-Roasted Brisket" recipe on FoodTV.com. Easy, no-fail, and no mayo or stick of butter added (as is her wont). It was very simple, very tender and we could have fed at least four more people with the 5 to 6 pound brisket. It made lots of juice in the pan that wasn't greasy (I had trimmed off the fat before cooking), and went down over the cornbread. (I did cut the salt down, as some reviewers had recommended). Mmmm. Many thanks to the Smiling Silver Blob for that one. (So mean, but come on. That woman won't rest until we all have diabetes.)

For sides, I didn't want to go too far over to the picnic side of things with lots of mayo. I had to have some warm German potato salad, which I've never made at home. I stumbled on this recipe, and was able to prep everything but the dressing ahead of time. I stored the cooked potatoes and bacon in a ceramic dish, then just took them out and put them over the oven vent on the range top while the brisket cooked. The potatoes warmed through, and I just had to mix the dressing. I've never made dressing like this, but the taste was just what I wanted it to be. It's a keeper!

Lastly, I had to have the stewed red cabbage that I've had in German restaurants. I got lucky again, and Googled up this recipe. Again, it tasted exactly like what I had pictured in my mind, and as a bonus, it might be the easiest thing I've ever cooked in my life. It actually started a small marital rift when Nick said to his wife, "I like this cabbage a lot. I'm not crazy about cabbage, but I would eat THIS cabbage." Don't slight a Polish woman's cabbage.

As usual, I just kept tasting and adding seasoning to everything as I went, which I think is the biggest secret to dinner-party success: taste it before you put it in the serving plate (and I added a bit more sugar to the German potato salad). Everything worked together really well, and I got some new "old stand-by's" out of the deal. Also, all of this stuff re-heated beautifully for almost a week! (I really should have invited more people).

For dessert, we had served coffee with some home-made candy: I got this idea for white chocolate lollipops from Ina Garten (nothing catty to say about that lady, I just love her food), and I made Ritz-cracker cookies, which are peanut butter and marshmallow fluff, inside a Ritz sandwich, rolled in melted Hershey bars. Sadly, I didn't get a picture of the huge batches of candy I made, but ah well! Some things have to fall by the wayside. I'll post about the cookies later... I added a pinch of coarse salt to the top of each of the lollipops, and I think it really worked well with the sweetness of the white chocolate.

With the delivered groceries and the head-start, I was able to help the elder child construct a centerpiece that would bait any plump little German kids into an old witch's oven (if this old witch were into that). I made the squiggles, but she dazzled me with her path creating, shingling and paving ability! As you can (partially) see, we had a lovely street light feature, until the younger child decapitated and ate it...

Incidentally, we bought the Wilton pre-baked gingerbread house, and I was shocked (at demolition time) at how delicious and flaky the gingerbread was. I expected it to taste like plywood, since the function was similar - but it had lots of spice. Lots of sugar, sure... But there's a time and place for that! (And the time is Christmas).

Hope your holidays were as happy as ours were!

Across the Lincoln Highway: Dixon to Clinton, IA and Home Again

Yeah, I know. Long time, no post. I have several good excuses, which range from: my kids, to the half marathon I'm training for, to sleeping, which I like to do sometimes. And back to my kids again. I also have written a couple of pieces by the request of a local TV show for their blog. (Before you picture me actually breathing on my fingernails and buffing them on my sleeve, things seem to be in a bit of an overhaul over there, and this may never get seen by anyone.) I'm only writing at this moment by the mercy of my elder child, who requested an early bedtime tonight. And I thought I should sit down and record that before the earth blew up beneath me.

Okay, so as you most likely do not remember, since it was posted two months ago, we woke up in Dixon, IL, on the last leg of our Lincoln Highway trip. Things looked much better (read, "not Deliverance") in the morning, except for this:

This mural, at our Dixon hotel, was entitled "the Illinois Presidents." If you know your presidential birthplaces, and I don't know why you would, you know why that's funny. Before you begin Googling, I'll just tell you that only one of them was born in Illinois, and probably not the one you were hoping for. (And not in Dixon, either.)

But before I get started taking away from ol' Dixon, let me build it up a little! It is the "boyhood home" of President Reagan. He was born in Tampico, but said he considered Dixon "home." Good enough for me, Mr. President.

So we had a lot of nice experiences in Dixon, but let me relate this one. We happened to get a piece of luck, for the third time on our trip, and happen on an old theater that just happened to be open. The folks that run the Dixon Theatre just happened to be giving the first presentation (before the official dedication) of a restored Barton Pipe Organ. They let us up on stage to see it up close, and told us all about the theatre.

There are only a few operating in the world, and they asked us if we'd like to meet the man that donated the organ, ha ha ha. He was very private, and he just happened to be there very briefly. Remember the suited cat that advised us that there are nicer places to eat than the Galena Steak House (but perhaps none in Dixon at that time of night?) Turns out, he was the organ donor, ha ha, ohhh, that never gets old. He gave us an official poster of the opening performance, and I corrected him on the quality of the chicken fingers at the Galena. I'm so full of sass.

We made a lot of stops in Dixon, but food-wise, we were headed for the Iowa border before our next experience. We crossed out of Fulton, IL, and into Clinton, IA.

And look, a real working windmill in Fulton! (More tours, more cool people that I won't bore you about. Plus, I do have that early bedtime.)

The windmill does grind and sell grain, so that's food-related, though we didn't buy any. I needed some food of the prepared variety.

After some browsing through Clinton, and realizing that our first choice was closed for the day, we liked the looks of Nora's Cafe.

Inside, you could sit at a booth, a table, or right in yo' chef's binniss.

I liked the looks of the "Juicy Potato Soup." I mean, how could you not order that? I figured it was a non-creamy soup, and the name was their way of telling you that. I was right. I guess Nora and I think the same way.

That was delicious, and for my meal, I got the old-school diet plate. I know you're rolling your eyes, but I loves me a diner diet plate: meat, and sliced veggies. This one was extra-deluxe, with fruit and eggs. And I loved that the friendly waitress asked me "what kind of dressing I wanted with that." Don't want to lean it out too much, do we?

Chris tried to order three pancakes. He was strongly advised by our waitress that three was a lot of food. That's okay, he said. I mean, like a LOT, she said. I really like pancakes, he said. I've never seen someone eat four, she said, but if you eat two, I'll bring you three. I saw the competitive spark (the one he denies is there) light in Chris' eyes. This is him, making the "are you kidding me?" face when two arrived. Clearly this woman is unaware of the carb-hog, and automatic gainsayer, that she's dealing with.

He horked down his two cakes, and she offered to bring another. He passed on it. Here's where I love to say that officially, he only ate two. I know this will drive him crazy, and that's what kind of person I am.

Lincoln, you were tons of fun, man. I have always said that about you.

Back to the land that was named for you, along the road that was named for you, we were glad to get home to our wee folks, and our own house.

At the beginning of our trip, Chris began to take the info sheet we had printed for each town, and as we passed through the town, crumble it up and toss it over his shoulder into the back seat. This never failed to make me laugh. What can I say? That's how two hyper-planners cut loose. Here is the product of our trip: Illinois, you have been smoked and cashed!

So that's the last post on this little fall trip. Not long now before I'm blogging about our recent trip to Napa, CA! If I play my cards right, this blog may not involve any actual cooking on my part for quite some time.

Heart-Shaped Stuff, or "Happy Black Monday"

I was gonna call this post, "Hey! Wait! I've Got a New Complaint," but, eh. Maybe I'm dating myself with that. And hey, maybe YOU'RE dating yourself this Valentine's Day! In which case, you probably don't wanna hear any more about it, in which case, I apologize. I'm remembering one particular V-Day in Chicago, when I went to pick up my roommate and friend Katie after work. I stopped at a gas station off Ohio Street, and promptly locked my keys in my car. I soon had the help of two cabbies, one minivan mom, and no less than eight gangbangers trying to help me break into my own car. The cabbie had an illegal jimmy in his trunk, but it didn't work on a car "as old as mine." The gangbangers fished out a coat hanger, but after an hour it was finally me that extended it long enough to unlock the door on the side opposite me. All the criminals cheered, and the mom got in her car as quickly as possible. Spending the day that way just made being single that much more special for me.

Well, this Valentine's Day, I will have three dates. I haven't made any dinner plans, and we don't have a babysitter that day, so I may be employing the old standard: a heart-shaped pizza.

This one is from Wayne's in Arlington Heights, but most pizza places do this. A nice option for some of the fellas: pair this with a nice piece of jewelry, and no one will really care that you didn't cook (plus she gets the night off from it). Just a thought.

If you want more of a simple breakfast-in-bed, jump-up, kick-in-the-privates from the adorable children, you can pair a "red scramble" (good diced salami, scrambled with eggs, topped with parmesan) with a heart-shaped artisan roll:

Easy to do - just use an oblong roll with rounded ends, cut in half on the diagonal, and then split. You could use red jam if you wanted to go further with the red thing.

Just for fun, I have some photos of some other heart-shaped things. Since this is a food blog, I'll spare you the picture of the perfect heart my cat left in his litter box, and just show you the heart-shaped potato I found!

Cutting it in half was a bit weird, though. And sometimes I cut into a pepper, and there's another little baby pepper in there. This one had a heart inside, which I found cool, and then upsetting and anatomical.

Well, anyway. Neither here nor there, but what other post was I gonna use those pictures on?

Have a Happy Valentine's Day, or alternatively, just get through it without drunkenly attacking any singing telegrams, tearing the heads off someone else's flowers, or locking your keys in your own car.

Acorn Squash

Dad used to make acorn squash now and again, and it was always like getting dessert for dinner. He slathered it with all kinds of butter, salt, cinammon, and a handful of brown sugar. Everyone got their own half to scoop out with a spoon.



Chris and I found some acorn squash at one of this year's last farmer's markets. I was going to pass them up, because I thought that the last time I made them, he wasn't so crazy about them. But he said, "Hey, do those again! I loved them!" Oh! Okay!

I just cut them in half, dotted a little I Can't Believe It's Not Fabio on each one, and brown sugar, salt and pepper. I got a little fancy with the spices, but afterward I wished I had just done a little cinnamon. Keep it simple. Oh, and also I think they are better when covered: about 400 degrees for 40 minutes, or until soft when pierced.



I served each one (1/4 is actually a big serving) with the shepherd's pie I had cooked right out of the freezer. (Which, by the way, came out very well: 350-375 degrees for about 1.25 hours or until the very middle is warm).

Battle Potato

My good (well, she's "great," actually) friend Ann has a sister who is battling MS. Every year Ann joins in the fight against the disease by captaining a team for the MS Walk (to hear Ann and her sister Maggie's story or to make a donation at any time, go here.) As a "thank you" to her friends and donors, she threw a party this year and called it "Battle Potato," in the style of Iron Chef on the Food Network. In case you're the last person on the planet not to see the show, everyone was to bring a dish with potato as an ingredient. Then the guests vote on their favorite, and the winner jumps on his or her cutting board, and shouts "IN YOUR FACE. FOR MS RESEARCH" at all the other guests, while brandishing a butcher knife. And now (it must be said), "Allez cuisine!"

Ann decorated the place all purty with potato centerpieces.



The guests who cooked were given numbered cards to place by their dishes, for the vote later on.



One gi-normous nerd brought a title card for her dish, and pinned her number to the card with an Idaho potato button that she just happened to have brought. Who's the geek?



My card reads, "Twice-baked ranch potatoes with scratch chicken BBQ." Poor Ann had other guests asking her, "where's my title card?" And she had to keep saying, "Uh, she made that." Well, you know what? You could have made your own, too. Don't hate the player.

There were more dishes than I imagined would be there. Curry salad, egg pie, thai dishes, and au gratin. I began to sweat. And eat. Eat and sweat.



I really, really enjoyed the food. When I saw the potato desserts, I knew it was over. There were chocolate-dipped chips, and cream-cheese frosted potato spice cake. There were DOUGHNUTS. How do you compete with that? Might as well just fill my plate.



Some folks got in a time-crunch, and were still courteous enough to go and get what people really like, and then arrange it artfully on a plate. Thanks Abby! Truthfully, I probably had more of the fries than anything else... So now I was contending with food science. You can't argue with years of testing for aroma and "mouth feel."



Or, have some red wine.



Then, form a totem pole, because it mocks both ancient Native American customs as well as your own ridiculously short stature. Everyone wins!



After eating, we all were to vote once for "Best Tasting," and once for "Most Creative." Ann had potato-shaped ballots to write the numbers on, and Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head receptacles to put them in. Aw, shmoosh.



And when the votes were tallied, my friends Anna and Adam won for "Most Creative" for their chocolate-dipped chips, and I won for "Best Tasting." Yay! I think it is POSSIBLE that some people pitied the sad girl who made the title card... Or as Jason ribbed me (who baked the cake at #6), he was pretty sure some of his votes got construed as my #9. Also possible. But Jeff said, "I counted those votes. I know my sixes from my nines." What's an election without controversy?

My prize was a colander, filled with everything needed to make a pasta dinner. Which is crazy, because that's exactly what I gave Ann as a wedding gift about a decade ago, only with a double-boiler instead of the colander. So now, I'm pretty sure I owe her a wedding gift. Still, I'm stoked because I can really use that colander!



I can't wait until this party goes again next year. And if I win again, I'll try to be more careful brandishing that butcher knife. (Sorry honey - but you were already missing most of your hair anyway, right?) Thanks for the party, Ann. It was awesome.

Here's my recipe for the potatoes, only this time, I added Hidden Valley Ranch Dip mix to the potato mixture. I also refrigerated the baked potatoes overnight in their foil, and they were a lot easier to scoop out the next day.

Country Steak and Beef Stroganoff

I saw Alton Brown make country-style cube steak, and I had to get me some of that.



I altered his recipe a little. What I was really in the mood for were some mushrooms. Also, I don't yet have a dutch oven (but I have an Amazon rewards coupon currently burning a hole in my pocket). I sautéed some onions, celery and a package of baby portobello mushrooms (also known as cremini mushrooms). I set that to the side, and then continued with Alton's instructions in the same pan. (I was using my big oven-proof sauté pan, and that seemed to work just fine.)

I didn't use the bacon fat he called for (not something I have lying around), I just fried them suckers up, cleaned up most of the oil, and returned everything to the pan. I was also puzzled by the instruction to cut the steaks "with the grain." I couldn't get this to make sense in my head. so I cut against it. The steaks came out very tender, so I think I did right. Also, when they were all cooked, I tempered some sour cream and added that at the end into the sauce.

(Also, those are some sweet potato oven fries that I made. Toss them in oil and seasoning, place them all flat in a 400-425 degree oven, turn after 20 minutes, and cook for another 20. I added some BBQ sauce to some Hellman's Light mayo and served that to dip them in. Going up the country, good eatin' there.)

I got a lot of steaks rather cheaply out of this recipe, and let's face it: times is hard all over, baby. So that was great. Since it is just the two of us (there are three, but one of us is still eating oatmeal and formula), I broke up the leftovers, and served them over noodles as stroganoff.



I added frozen peas to make it a complete (and completely different) meal. I think this dish will turn out even better when I get my cast-iron dutch oven. Can't wait!

BBQ Chicken Pizza and Twice-Baked Potatoes

I know I've shared my recipe for BBQ chicken in the crockpot before, but oh lord, I'm getting good at this.



It's finally got that dark mahogany color and smoky flavor that I want it to have. Here's the new and improved recipe:

two cups of ketchup
one cup of mustard, any kind
two capfuls of liquid smoke
about a quarter to a half cup of molasses
one cup of packed brown sugar
as much Red Hot sauce as you think you’ll like
one dark beer, or a couple of shots bourbon for a thicker sauce
half a medium onion, diced finely
two cloves diced garlic
a heavy shake of cumin (don’t be shy) and a shake of coriander
salt and pepper (plenty of black pepper)
two small cans of tomato paste (this is the new part - my sauce was coming out too runny)

(This is the same recipe that I printed here for the beef ribs. You can really plunge any meat ya like into this sauce, and it'll come out tasty. Or in a pinch, use shoe leather.) In this case, I put two packages of chicken into it, and cooked it for six hours. When the chicken shreds very easily with a fork, shred it all up right there in the Crockpot. This recipe makes a ton of chicken. I freeze half for another time. You can use some in tacos, on buns as sandwiches, or on a pizza (great with goat cheese and thinly sliced red onions, and more cheddar on top).



I decided some would be great on top of some twice-baked potatoes. So I made up a recipe for those, and it came out great. First, bake four potatoes. Use the big brown russet or baking potatoes for this. Scrub them, pierce them with a fork in several places, salt them liberally and put a dab of butter on top of them inside some foil. Wrap them up and bake them for about an hour to 75 minutes at 400 degrees. (I've read some recipes since that insist you don't use the foil - I'll try this next time. But I didn't want the skins to shrivel, and they didn't doing this with the foil.) When they come out, vent them a little and let them cool until you can handle them. Then scoop out most of the insides into a bowl, leaving about a half-inch of flesh. You can't really scoop all of it out, because then the skin will be too thin.

To the potato flesh, add one brick of cream cheese (light is fine). Sauté one diced half-onion and one clove of crushed garlic in a little oil, and add that to the mixture, plus a little salt. Mix, and put the mixture back in the potatoes (I had returned them to the foil I used before). Then top with cheddar, and bake at 375 degrees for about fifteen minutes.



You can top them with bacon or anything else you like. I put the BBQ chicken on top, along with scallions and light sour cream (hey, every little bit helps.)



They were mounded so high, we ended up just eating a half at a time, so it made lots of nice leftovers.

Hey, love BBQ, bacon, swearing and hardened arteries? You have to check out this post on my brother's blog (he's the funny one in the family.) But don't go if you don't like the swearing. As a matter of fact, what are you still reading my goddamn blog for?