Buffalo Things

Get that? Instead of wings: "THINGS." I also almost called this post, "Buffalo Shoe Tongues," because I'm pretty sure you could cover chewy, smelly, shoe parts (borrowed from any hobo) with buffalo sauce, dip them in ranch dressing and serve them with celery and they would be irresistible. This is, however, a very good recipe, despite the fact that it seems anything under that sauce would taste good. (Or, I suppose I could have called them Buffalo'd cauliflower, which is what they are.)

I went to see the bro recently, and he took me to an eatery heretofore unknownst to me: the Veggie Grill. I hear it is growing quickly, springing up new franchises throughout California. Well, it ain't growing quickly enough, because I'm gonna dream about it until I'm in LA again.

The Veggie Grill doesn't use any animal products at all - no dairy, meat or eggs. And while I really enjoyed their "comfort" food or fast-food-style items, they are also maximizing nutrition in a lot of items (not just a straight, "hey, fries are vegan!" approach). The first time we went, two of us ordered the "All Hail Kale" salad, with "Blackened Chickin'." It was DELICIOUS. And the one in front, btw, is a lunch portion! I usually eat my kale cooked, but these dressed greens really inspired me to eat more raw kale.

Oh, and a side of mac and cheese, just because hey, I had a race the next day, so why not?

This first visit is also where I discovered their Buffalo Chickin' Wings. I discovered them on my brother's plate. I discovered most of them, and only left him a few. These really unglued all of us. I've been thinking about them since.

David also had the "All-American Stack," which he said he really liked.

We took home two pieces of the carrot cake, which I discovered was great with a glass of soy milk. I also discovered half of my brother's carrot cake as well. (Seriously, I love that guy.)

I loved this place so much that we went back the next day! This time, I had the "Baja Fiesta" salad. It was great... But I found myself wishing it were made with kale. Believe me, I've never said those words before, either.

This time, I got my own order of the "Buffalo Chickin' Wings." I think I may have shared. No, I'm pretty sure I didn't.

David went full-force, and made an entree out of two orders of the wings. You go, boy!

So, what's the damage? I looked at their newly-posted calorie counts, and sure, some of the dessert or "splurge" items can be up in the 400-500 calorie range (although most of the menu is lower). But seriously? I don't think they compare with the counts at most fast food places, and the nutrition is much denser. For contrast, I took a picture of the calorie counts at the snack bar of a local movie theater we went to:

Wow, movie theater, 1390 calories for nachos? As my husband loves to quote from the movie "Spinal Tap": "Yeah, too MUCH fak-king pehspective."

Anyway, what is a girl to do about this buffalo craving she came home with? I found this recipe from "Food Fanatics" on facebook (partially reprinted), and I made some changes to just about every line, which are reflected in the following places as noted:

Ingredients:
1 head cauliflower, cut into florets

For the batter:
Dash of Frank’s Buffalo Sauce (originally Original Hot Sauce)
1 c. white rice flour (originally 1/2 cup)
1 c. BEER (originally 1/2 cup water)
Pinch salt

For the Buffalo sauce:
1/2 c. - 1 cup Frank’s Buffalo sauce (this is double or triple the original)
1/4-1/2 c. vegan butter, melted (originally 1/4 cup canola oil)
Pinch salt

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Mix together the batter ingredients in a small bowl. Dip the cauliflower in the batter until coated evenly then place on greased baking sheet (I just tossed the cauliflower florets in the batter). Bake for about 15 minutes or until the batter hardens. (I flipped them once, and ended up with about 20 minutes.)

Mix together sauce ingredients in a small bowl. Once the cauliflower are done baking, brush them with the hot sauce mixture (I tossed them in the sauce in a bowl, restaurant-style) and they have you baking again. (I just tossed the baked cauliflower in sauce and got to eating.)

I served these with my very own Vegan Ranch, which I must say is pretty fantastic. The recipe works very well - the cauliflower doesn't stick to the sprayed foil, and it cooks through. Best oven-battered anything I've had, I think!

Soft Pretzels

Saw a new recipe in the usual way... On Pinterest. If you know me, you know that nothing goes straight to fond memories for me like a soft pretzel. They evoke lots of memories of my father, and yes, Hot Sam at Lincoln Mall.

Here is the recipe link. Everything went very smoothly and fairly effortlessly. I used my own little hands, and no paddle attachment. The only changes I made were:

1) The amount of baking soda stated will not dissolve in the amount of liquid stated. Add a little water, and it will still all go well.

2) I used half whole wheat flour, and half APF. I like whole wheat pretzels, and I was hoping these would taste more like an Auntie Anne's pretzel. They do.

3) I rubbed vegan butter all over these bad boys when they came out, then covered them in cinnamon, salt, and Sugar in the Raw. If that sounds naughty, that's because it is. They might look like little piles of doggie doo in my photo, I dunno, but they taste unbelievably, sinfully good. Quite unlike doo.

Mine only took about six minutes to bake, on a sprayed cookie sheet. This will be happening again. I think next time I might make a chocolate spread for them just like they used to have at Hot Sam, though that's just for nostalgia, because they surely don't need it.

Thanks for pinning, Susan M.!

German-ish Christmas Eve

I've hosted a few holiday meals since I've had the kids, but until this point, they've mostly involved paper plates at service time, lots of extra sticks and leaves in a messy front yard, a microwave I've had no time to clean that mornings splatter out of, and a very pretty vase that I'd put on the table, but forgotten to get flowers for. And I remember these things, because I've had the same two relatives who were only too happy to come over, and point these details out to me. Happy holidays!

Okay, so I'm starting with a little bile, there, but truly, TRULY, I love to host dinners. And I really do own a plate service, and some serving platters! So I was really excited when our friends Nick and Ania, and their two handsome little fellas could come over for a Christmas Eve dinner. My girls are just old enough to let me get some stuff done, and my sweet husband is only too happy to vacuum for me. (Also, we raked the leaves this year! Woo!)

Nick has a Germanic tattoo on his arm, and Ania is Polish, so I guess those things came together in my head to give me the idea of having a generally Eastern European, completely inauthentic-themed meal. You know - cabbage, potatoes, meat, and a beer or two. That sort of thing.

I started the meal with something that has nothing to do with Eastern Europe, and everything to do with "festive": Brooke's artichoke spinach dip, with toasted pita points.

Then, the one-two punch: the humbly self-titled World's Greatest Cornbread. I wanted to serve some bread with the meal, and nothing gathers compliments like Old Faithful. Also, I have put a piece of this bread on the bottom of a chili bowl many times, so I thought it work well to go under the brisket, and sop up some beefy juices. You see a clear theme now, right? Farm-y, Fourth of July picnic-y, BBQ-y, German-y. Makes sense to me.

Now for the brisket. My success in getting this meal together (with two kids three and under, and a heavier work-week up until the day before) is three-parted: 1) use internet rankings to find new recipes, and combine them with old stand-by's, 2) start everything two or three days ahead of time, and 3) get the groceries delivered. This last part freed up some extra time for me (for doing stuff like ironing tablecloths, and watching more television), and reduced my stress quite a bit. So I went with what was on special on Peapod - brisket!

I had never made it off the grill and in the oven, but my arch-nemesis, Paula Deen, had a very highly rated "Texas Oven-Roasted Brisket" recipe on FoodTV.com. Easy, no-fail, and no mayo or stick of butter added (as is her wont). It was very simple, very tender and we could have fed at least four more people with the 5 to 6 pound brisket. It made lots of juice in the pan that wasn't greasy (I had trimmed off the fat before cooking), and went down over the cornbread. (I did cut the salt down, as some reviewers had recommended). Mmmm. Many thanks to the Smiling Silver Blob for that one. (So mean, but come on. That woman won't rest until we all have diabetes.)

For sides, I didn't want to go too far over to the picnic side of things with lots of mayo. I had to have some warm German potato salad, which I've never made at home. I stumbled on this recipe, and was able to prep everything but the dressing ahead of time. I stored the cooked potatoes and bacon in a ceramic dish, then just took them out and put them over the oven vent on the range top while the brisket cooked. The potatoes warmed through, and I just had to mix the dressing. I've never made dressing like this, but the taste was just what I wanted it to be. It's a keeper!

Lastly, I had to have the stewed red cabbage that I've had in German restaurants. I got lucky again, and Googled up this recipe. Again, it tasted exactly like what I had pictured in my mind, and as a bonus, it might be the easiest thing I've ever cooked in my life. It actually started a small marital rift when Nick said to his wife, "I like this cabbage a lot. I'm not crazy about cabbage, but I would eat THIS cabbage." Don't slight a Polish woman's cabbage.

As usual, I just kept tasting and adding seasoning to everything as I went, which I think is the biggest secret to dinner-party success: taste it before you put it in the serving plate (and I added a bit more sugar to the German potato salad). Everything worked together really well, and I got some new "old stand-by's" out of the deal. Also, all of this stuff re-heated beautifully for almost a week! (I really should have invited more people).

For dessert, we had served coffee with some home-made candy: I got this idea for white chocolate lollipops from Ina Garten (nothing catty to say about that lady, I just love her food), and I made Ritz-cracker cookies, which are peanut butter and marshmallow fluff, inside a Ritz sandwich, rolled in melted Hershey bars. Sadly, I didn't get a picture of the huge batches of candy I made, but ah well! Some things have to fall by the wayside. I'll post about the cookies later... I added a pinch of coarse salt to the top of each of the lollipops, and I think it really worked well with the sweetness of the white chocolate.

With the delivered groceries and the head-start, I was able to help the elder child construct a centerpiece that would bait any plump little German kids into an old witch's oven (if this old witch were into that). I made the squiggles, but she dazzled me with her path creating, shingling and paving ability! As you can (partially) see, we had a lovely street light feature, until the younger child decapitated and ate it...

Incidentally, we bought the Wilton pre-baked gingerbread house, and I was shocked (at demolition time) at how delicious and flaky the gingerbread was. I expected it to taste like plywood, since the function was similar - but it had lots of spice. Lots of sugar, sure... But there's a time and place for that! (And the time is Christmas).

Hope your holidays were as happy as ours were!

Cameron's Chicken Dip

Superbowl week! Time to post some high-fat snack ideas. Also, I'm more or less on a diet, so I'm basically determined to ruin everyone else's. (I just have a food blog. I never said I was a good person.)

You might remember that my friend Brooke introduced me to artichoke dip my freshman year in college. Cameron's chicken enchilada dip is like that SNL Elvis sketch: "just like that... 'cept diff'rent." This dip is crazy good and highly addictive. Cam brought this dip to my friend Jenny's party, and he made the mistake of getting up to get the bag of chips. When he came back, it was GONE. No joke. (It was an awkward moment, as we sat there with full mouths and teaspoons, and Cam standing there with mouth agape). By the way, the guy in the back is Cameron, called "the Wookie" fondly by his, ahem, shorter friends.

(And much love to Mrs., and the Little Wookies). Here's the original recipe from allrecipes.com, and be sure to read Cameron and my notes at the end before making:

Original Recipe (Allrecipes.Com):

Ingredients:
1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1 (8 ounce) jar mayonnaise
1 (8 ounce) package shredded Cheddar cheese
1 (4 ounce) can diced green chile peppers
1 jalapeño pepper, finely diced

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Place chicken breast halves on a medium baking sheet. Bake in the preheated oven 20 minutes, or until no longer pink. Remove from heat, cool and shred. Place shredded chicken in a medium bowl, and mix in cream cheese, mayonnaise, Cheddar cheese, green chile peppers and jalapeño pepper. Transfer the chicken mixture to a medium baking dish. Bake uncovered in the preheated oven 30 minutes, or until the edges are golden brown.

Cam's dip ALWAYS turned out noticeably better than mine, so I suggest you follow his alterations to the letter is you want the maximum yumminess! So here are the notes from Cam:

• "Always use either the Philly's neufchatel or the full-fat cream cheese, and usually the Hellman's canola mayo."
• "I do the chicken breasts in the crockpot for (2 hours on high, or 4-6 hours on low) with tequila and lime juice just to about cover the breasts, and Adobo spices and usually some garlic powder (or some other mexicany spice combination, I've done chili powder, paprika & cumin before, really, I think as long as there's some cumin from some source you are good to go) and just shred it with a fork in the pot."

• "I use the Mexican blend cheese in the 2.5 pound bag from Costco or shredded habañero cheddar (I think Cabot is the brand, its at Costco also). I use pickled jalapeño instead of fresh jalapeño, and tailor the amount to the spiciness I want (about 1 spoonful for mild dip (Cam's real word here: "weaksauce"), and about 4 or 5 coupled with the habañero cheddar for the mouf-burner)."

Okay, so here are my notes. Essentially, they are to dry all the chicken and diced peppers on a clean towel before adding. I've had real problems with overly wet ingredients - I'm talking DRY. I also like to add the cheeses and mayo slowly, so that it doesn't come out too wet/mayonnaise-y. However, you should taste the final mix before it goes into the oven. It may need more seasoning. I also prefer to use (despite the photo) a more oval/oblong pan, so that it bakes in a thinner layer, and you get more of the crusty top surface area, since it is the best part. And again, don't use low-fat anything.

Hope I haven't made it sound too difficult... It's actually really easy, just kinda one of those that comes out great, but you might want to play with it a little.

Miss you like crazy, Wookies!

Wayne's Pizza

About six months ago, I found out my cholesterol was slightly high. That was the wake-up call that I needed to lose the last fifteen pounds of pregnancy weight. Coming off Thanksgiving weekend (okay, week if I'm being honest), I'm back to eating big salads and righting myself again. But the week sure was fun while it lasted! And hey... Now that the weight is off, it's all part of the maintenance plan. (Meaning, I can hog out now and then.)

When one of those times comes around, one wicked place to eat is Wayne's Pizza in Arlington Heights, IL. They have a great thin crust pizza (my favorite is spinach and mushroom), and their "nibbles" are amazing. I love the cauliflower bites. I could drink a liter of their ranch dressing (yeah, if that sounds disgusting, try it... And then you tell me). And recently (dammit), I discovered that their chicken wings are my favorite (even over Hooters' wings, which I heard a rumor that they have changed, anyway). This place isn't paying me, so believe me when I say that if you eat here all the time? Your health is gonna suffer. But if you eat at Wayne's now and then... I think it might make your life better.

Baba Ghanoush

Baba ghanoush is an Arabic dip made from eggplant that I'm thinking most of us have had by now. Don't worry if you can't pronounce it. Just make it, and eat it.



I've purchased baba ghanoush in a can that was, believe it or not, fairly decent. But it is so inexpensive to make, like, a metric ton of it. Like dude: a TON. Anyway, I froze several containers of it for later. I'll let you know how that goes.

Ingredients:

4 eggplants
olive oil
lemon juice
3 or 4 garlic cloves
beans or tofu
salt and pepper

Here's how you do it: I use a simple 4/40/400 rule: put four eggplants on a cookie sheet with foil for 40 minutes at 400 degrees. Turn them over once halfway through cooking. Let them cool. Then peel the skin off and put the "meat" into a food processor with three or four cloves of garlic (yes, this plan of mine will yield a strong garlic flavor. If you want less, use less, but honestly just thinking about that makes me a little sad). Use salt (plenty, keep tasting) and pepper and a little something to thicken the mix: I use either a rinsed can of white beans, chickpeas, or about 3/4 cup of tofu (whatever you have). Then I add lemon juice, and I use the concentrated stuff if I don't have fresh ones on hand.

Blend it all up, and while it is whirring, drizzle in about a quarter cup of olive oil. Serve it with chips or pita, and drizzle it with more olive oil and some paprika. So, so good, and good for you (unless you have a date or a job interview). My friend Lynn recently made me aware of "sale produce" at our local Italian grocery, where they sell produce in big bundles that has only a day or two left. So I made this quadruple batch for about $1.29. What a thrill!

Italian Quickie

...And no, I'm not talking about the night that resulted in our baby girl. Oh man, I am KILLING with these jokes lately. Hello? Is this thing on?

The last week of my pregnancy, I wanted three things: meat, cheese, and not to do any work. But I wanted to do something that might convince my husband I was someone resembling the woman he married, so I made one last big meal before the hospital stay.

When he walked in the door, I had created little parcel-like appetizers by wrapping buffalo mozzarella slices, tomato slices, and fresh basil in prosciutto. I found the prosciutto at HALF PRICE at my new favorite store, Valli produce in Arlington Heights.



And yeah, the mozzarella was pre-sliced. Think that's lazy? Oh wait, it gets better.



When I had crammed about four of those into my maw, I decided to make dinner. I used JAR spaghetti sauce, and JAR bechamel or alfredo sauce. And before you have that thought, do me one favor: strap a fifty-pound weight to your stomach. Then cinch it up so that it presses on your heart. Then get someone to kick it up into your ribcage every fifteen seconds. Climb the stairs a few times, go to work for the day, and THEN you judge me.



I alternated the layers of ricotta, egg, parsely and mozzarella mixture with layers of tomato sauce and layers of the alfredo sauce. It was also my first outing with the no-bake lasagna noodles. I'd always feared them in the past, but desperate times...



The result was nothing like homemade or from scratch, but it definitely scratched the itch, if you know what I mean. It was rich, warm, and right on time!

Salad Week: Ants on a Log, and Cambezola!

Is it a salad? Well, I think so. It ain't BBQ...



(Heeeyyyy... Check out those aging carrot sticks! Appetizing, no?) I don't remember where I first saw this snack called "Ants on a Log," but I think it's cute. I like to spread it not with whole peanut butter, but instead to make a lower-fat spread first. I empty a container of lowfat or fat-free cream cheese into a bowl, add a couple of tablespoons peanut butter, a couple tablespoons of honey, and beat it with the mixer. It spreads easier, and I don't feel guilty about eating several. Then, of course, I add raisins as the "ants." Do yourself a favor: just dump out a bunch of raisins and press the "logs" into them. Don't press them one at a time onto the celery... Duh. Guess who wasted precious eating time on that endeavor?

This is really a kid-type snack, but last time my brother visited, he and my husband were content to snack on these with a couple of beers while I made dinner. And no, my house is not nearly so misogynist as that sounds. Because I totally deserved the beating they gave me before that.

And here's a little "double," since I didn't post on Sunday (I was sweating my baby off at the Brewer's game. What was I thinking? Deadly heartburn set in from the nachos supreme, my hands got to be the size of boxing mitts, and my feet took on a Flintstone-like appearance. Fred, not Wilma. We left at the seventh.)

They sell a bastard cheese at Trader Joe's called Cambezola! (And no, I can't say that without the exclamation mark attached at the end. The name reminds me of some type of drug-fueled sixties happening.) It appears to be a combo of Camembert and Gorgonzola, and is quite good, and it makes a fantastic snack with green apples. You'll feel like you're eating... Well... salad!

Hooters Hot Wings

Chris and I both like buffalo wings. My favorites are actually the ones my brother used to fry up in the kitchen at Ruby Tuesday's, when he and I both worked there. That was twelve years ago now (wow.) He would always make his crazy off-the-menu hot, not so hot for me.

Now Ruby's is under new ownership (the whole chain, that is), and I dunno if their wings are the same or not. Chris likes the wings at the Ram Brewery, and they are actually the ones that remind me most of the ones that David used to make back when. But you know what? I think my favorites are the buffalo wings at Hooters. (I'm taking you to the menu here, sparing you the chatty waitress on the homepage. Click on "chicken wings.") They are breaded (you can get them without), and more like fried chicken. The hot sauce is sort of inside the breading, so you don't get the sauce all over your face (but if you're me, you get the bleu cheese there, anyway.)

Remember when opening a new Hooters was the talk of the town? I remember a big hoopla when they first opened one in Champaign. I dunno why people complained. I'm not really into women being objectified or anything, but I'm just saying that no one seemed to have a problem with the strip clubs just outside of town. The Hooters waitresses are dressed, after all. Somewhat.

I started eating at a Hooters when I lived in Nashville. It was literally in my backyard. I was shy about going in at first, and soon I was going by myself to sit down to a beer and some wings on the way back from work. The menu was more limited then... I seem to remember maybe burgers, an open-faced steak sandwich, the wings, and not much else. Chris likes their burgers.



Now Hooters has salads, healthier options, blah blah blah. I'll probably never try any of those things, because I don't know if I can go in there and not get the hot wings.



Chris accompanied me on a recent trip to get a replacement part for a sofa I had purchased out at Woodfield Mall (I can never buy a piece of assembly-required furniture that doesn't have a broken piece, it seems) and I practically hijacked the car when we drove past Hooters. I know he's been worried about the amount we've been eating out/driving through lately, but what can I do? When baby wants wings, baby wants wings.

Actually, I wonder if it was the hooters baby wanted...

Smoked Cheese and Broccoli Pizza

Things have been pretty stressful around here lately... We have been house-hunting, and trying to figure out how to balance what we want in a house (Chris wants a basement, and I want either a nice kitchen, or a house cheap enough to renovate the kitchen) with the area that we want to live in (we like a walk to either downtown Arlington Heights, Mt. Prospect, or Des Plaines). As I write this, we are in a price negotiation over a house. I have decided to post in an attempt to distract myself from the worrying!

When my time is limited, I tend to rely on Trader Joe's or other places that I can get simple, prepped food to put together (Market Day helps, too). Chris requested "broccoli pizza" one night, and I thought that sounded good, too. I dunno where he came up with that, but I was happy to provide something so simple.

I steamed a bag of pre-cut broccoli florets, and shredded some smoked jack cheese over some plain shredded mozzarella. I layered them over tomato sauce and extra minced garlic over a pre-made wheat pizza crust (Tabula Rasa is the Joe's brand.) While layering the pizza, I caught Chris making an appetizer out of the cheese and broccoli.



He was putting a small pile of smoked cheese atop a steamed broccoli floret and eating them one at a time. I tried it, and he was really onto something, there!



I knew that the pizza would turn out well because our snack had been so good. That rich taste that broccoli has, and the smoked cheese went really well together.

Brooke's Artichoke Dip

Now that I've posted about baking something from scratch (even if I didn't do the cooking), I have to post about something simple to make, or I may end up with a rash. And, eyw, no one wants that.



When I was a freshman in college (age 19, I think), my friend Brooke would also be home, because she was still in high school. Her house was on my way back to route 17, which I took through Dwight and over to I-55 to Bloomington. And what a sad, dark journey that was, especially in winter. So Brooke's house was something I could look forward to, and help stave off the inevitable homesickness I got from going back to school on a Sunday night. I don't remember the particulars surrounding this visit, or what season it was, but I do know she and her mom sent me back to school with two slices of "white pizza" with artichoke hearts. I unwrapped the slices from their tin foil before I went to bed that night. That's because when I was 19, what I really liked to do was stay up too late, eat too much 'round the clock, and complain about why I was gaining weight, sluggish, and still a virgin.

Anyway, I was totally knocked out by what I was eating. I thought it was one of the tastiest things I'd ever eaten, and it wasn't even warmed up, as I was instructed to eat it. Brooke gave me the simple recipe, and I've used it countless times since:

2 cups mozzarella cheese
1 cup parmesan (FINELY grated -- the powdery kind)
1 cup mayonnaise (I now use Hellman's Reduced Fat, the greatest lowfat mayo ever)

To that, you can add:

1 bag of rinsed-until-thawed artichoke hearts, broken up a bit with your fingers (canned works too, but the frozen ones are much fresher-tasting), as Brooke taught me originally,
or/and
1 box frozen spinach, thawed and drained (I started doing this sometimes later),
or/and
1 jar drained mushrooms
or/and
a little smoked shredded jack cheese across the top (this is a "new" alternative)
and
garlic seasoning, salt and pepper to taste

Pat dry any veggies you are using with a bunch of paper or one "real" towel. Mix well until combined, and then, in one version, you can place the dip in an oven-safe container (as in the photo above). Bake it for 45 minutes or so at about 350, and check on it. I like to put it under the broiler for a minute or two at the end, and serve it with pita bread or chips. Alternatively, you can spread it on a Boboli crust instead of the casserole dish, brushed beforehand with olive oil, and with some crushed garlic scattered about (then you can serve it as a white pizza).

As many times as I've made this, I've probably screwed it up just as many times. Benefit from my mistakes... Here are some things you should not do:

• Do not add the mushrooms/spinach/artichoke hearts until they are VERY dry, drained and then toweled off.


• Do not "eyeball" the measurements. Of COURSE I have attempted that, and it has always bombed, and the end result is "mayonnaise-y." When done properly, there is no hint of the mayo at the end. This was the first dish I made my husband, ever, and there was too much mayo in it. He was reluctant to try it again. (Now he likes it, knowing what it is supposed to taste like.)


• Don't over-salt it. The parmesan is already pretty salty.


• Do not forget the parmesan. Famously, I talked this dish up like crazy to my friends in college, made it, and served it to my friend Fred without adding the parmesan. The end result was too gross to even get into describing.


• Do not use shredded parmesan instead of grated parmesan. I find that it throws off the proportions.

Let ye all take heed. I know Brooke is laughing by now.

Anyway, when I make this for Chris and I as opposed to bringing it to a party, we have a lot left over. I found a third use for it: the dip makes great grilled sandwiches later on!



Just spread the cold, refrigerated dip between bread slices, or with grilled turkey as I've done here. Grill it as you would a grilled cheese. Delish.

Thanks for the recipe, Brooke! Hope I got it right. Love to you and your mom!

Bernie's Southern Bistro

On a lazy afternoon, Katie and I went for chow just down the street from her place. I'd seen Bernie's Southern Bistro on one of my walks about the neighborhood, and since she is pretty new to that area herself, she had never been there either, and it was a perfect spot for us to check out together.



It was another incredibly beautiful, sunny and mild Portland day, and we were excited to dine al fresco. Bernie's, as Katie noted, had made a what we thought was a fairly bold move: the dining room wasn't even open. It was as though Bernie's was telling you, "There is no excuse for you not to eat on our patio today." And they were right, in my opinion.



The patio had a modern, Asian aesthetic. It was simple and casual, like a friend's well-maintained front porch. (The one with the manicured plants, and the re-finished vintage furniture, not the one with the musty upholstered love seat.)



As it was close to dusk, we picked a spot out of the direct rays of the setting sun. Katie had told me that Portland service was notoriously slow, and at first, that appeared to be the case. Our hostess said, "and can I get you anything else?" and I said, "do you have iced tea?" mistaking her for our server. She said, "I'll get your server," but no one came for several minutes. I think we may have hidden ourselves a bit too well in the corner, but presently, we got a friendly waitress who didn't stay away after the first delay. I got sweetened tea, and it was lovely -- made with sugar syrup as is proper. Katie got a deliciously chilled martini that had grapefruit juice in it. I thought the little iced caddy that carried her refill was innovative.



Katie, in my opinion, did a great job channeling Coco Chanel while we enjoyed the sun.



We got complimentary cornbread and honey butter. The bread was light and soft with just a little grit, as Katie said she likes it. Was it as good as the ultimate cornbread? No, no, of course not. But it was very good.



All of the starters looked very tasty, but of course we had to try the fried green tomatoes. They came on a mayo-based sauce, nicely seasoned and piping hot. I wanted them to be just a bit more well-done, but they were very good. They were crispy, and the breading wasn't too thick. We even ate the garnish.



When dinner came, one of the entrées we had ordered had been substituted with the meatloaf (which did look really good). Our waitress swapped it out fairly quickly, apologizing, and told us she would give us any dessert we liked with her compliments, which I thought was very nice. She needn't have worried, since Katie and I were sharing, anyway, we simply started on our first entrée, the smoked brisket with blueberry BBQ sauce, and a cheese and whitebread casserole (not appearing on the Bernie's website menu at the moment). I have a blueberry BBQ sauce recipe I've been wanting to try for some time, and I love brisket like I love beer and discount clothing, so I had to try that. Katie suggested the fried chicken, and I told her she was my soulmate.



My pic doesn't do the brisket justice, but it was perfect. It melted in your mouth, had just a light smoke, and even the sides were great. The asparagus was cooked with just the right amount of snap, and that whitebread and cheese soufflé (or casserole) had that flavor like something you'd get in a real southern diner. I wanted to dive into a mound of it, suffer a cave-in, and eat my way out.

When the fried chicken arrived, I didn't think it looked like it would be crispy. Happily, I was very wrong. It was well-seasoned and crunchy all over. Jack Sprat (I mean Katie) had the piece of white meat, and I had the boneless piece of thigh. The mashed potatoes and gravy, and the smoky and just-the-right-amount-of-heat greens were heaven.



We were stuffed, but of course we accepted our free dessert. We settled on the bananas foster bread pudding. I'm sure it was better warm, but Katie and I plowed into it cold later that night, and it was still sinfully rich and delicious.



Bernie's was, to me, just how dining should be: unpretentious, authentic, al fresco on a perfect day, beautifully presented, moderately priced, and within strolling distance from your own home. Especially after enough martinis.

Buffalo Grove Days, or, "Had Enough Crap Yet?"

In September, nothing wraps up a summer of eating battered and deep-fried nitrites on sticks quite like the last big party, when Chris and I walk over to the Buffalo Grove Days. In the past, we've had chocolate and marshmallow-covered popcorn, had too much crappy yellow beer that was intensely overpriced, and witnessed the phenomenon that is "Infinity." To date, however, nothing had quite offended my eyes and ears so much as this:



You read it right. It's called "You M8K It Super Slush Lab," a spelling that could only make me think of my friend Jenny, who has mentally collected the perverse misspellings used by Madison Avenue to sell non-food items to kids ever since I can remember (think words like Nyce, Stuf, Lite, Likkum Stix, and Chawklit). Her notes to me in junior high and high school were filled with artfully worked phrases like, "Heyyy, Shì Patì, hoo du yoo lyke two-day?" Originally, that's why I took the picture, just to show it to Jen. But then I stood and looked at it a bit longer.



The unit glows with every garish color in the day-glo rainbow, and plays freakish carnival music (you know the one, the "big top" organ tune, "dit dit dooty ditta dit da doo-tie...") to lure children; a kind of modern-day witch's candy house. Kids can spend as little as $3 on a cup and make their own Super Slush flavor combo. But how are you gonna fit all the flavors you want in a $3 cup, Junior? With a variety that includes Sour Apple, Extreme Watermelon, Power Kiwi Burst, Tubular FD & C Neon Green #8, and Radical Premature Type II Diabetes, you'd better get mom to open up her pocketbook for the $7 cup! And then get to the dentist now. No, like, NOW. Stick two straws and a plastic spoon in it, Fattie, and get back in the SUV!



I soon realized that this wasn't just an amusing phonetic misspelling. What I was in the presence of was absolutely everything that is evil about America, in one portable electric trailer. Nothing less. I was mesmerized by the flowing, frosty pumps of glowing sin, and Chris eventually had to drag me away.

Now, let's focus on what IS good in this country, try not to think any longer about what starving children overseas would think of this gross display, and move onto the food tent. Yay! I smell barbecue!



It takes awhile to decide what to eat in the food tent. Much like Cher noted in the movie Clueless, you have to do at least one full lap before you commit to a location. We finally decided that Chris would get the pulled pork BBQ sandwich from Brothers' BBQ, and I found a nice option in the chicken gyros from the Continental Restaurant tent. I also got an ear of steamed corn, I think from the Girl Scout tent.

The pulled pork was very good. The pork had no sauce, and then when your sandwich is made up, it is added over the top. After living in Nashville a short time, I now feel that this is the only real way to serve pulled pork, so I approved.



I didn't know that the Continental served chicken gyros, but now I might need to go there to get another one sometime. It wasn't grilled chicken breast, but that same sort of "meat roll" on a spit, just as the lamb gyro was. The tzatziki sauce was very thick, and I thought the whole thing was really tasty. It was a bit leaner than the lamb gyro probably would have been, but I'm okay with that.



Chris and I both crunched on the corn-on-the-cob, which had just come out of the steamer and was boiling hot. Additional butter was not available, but the corn was so sweet it really didn't need it. They did have chili seasoning and parmesan cheese, which I did make good use of. Delicious.

Being averse to sweetened drinks of any kind (artificial or not), I opted for a bottle of water. Chris decided to try a Lemon Shake-Up at Randy's stand, before the claustrophobia-inducing conditions of the tent finally got to me.



The drink came not in a cup, but in a large oil barrel. I did take a sip, and I thought it was very good for what it was, with lots of fresh lemon juice. The amount of sugar still made my teeth feel "furry," though, immediately. I just don't get the sugary drink thing anymore, I guess. But Chris liked it.

We strolled on home in the beautiful weather, with empty wallets and full stomachs. Ahhh, you know what? I love this country.