Cod in Parchment Paper

I think the name for cooking in parchment paper is cooking "en papillote," but you know, it's my mom and my brother that speaks the French, murky bo cups. I based this dish on one I saw Rachael Ray do, which of course, she calls "Spanish Fish in a Sack." (Okay, maybe you CAN dumb something down a bit too much.)

I just love cod, and olives too, so this looked mighty fine to me. I didn't check Rachael's recipe for anything but the cooking time (400 degrees for 20 minutes). I put cod, grape tomatoes, green and black Greek olives, onions, garlic, thin lemon slices and parsley in mine. Then I seasoned the stack and drizzled it all with extra virgin olive oil. I think fennel would have also been good... But I put the fish on the veggies so that it would cook down over those, and the lemon on top of that so it would go down into the fish.



Oh, and I put them all on parchment paper. Then I folded them over on the top seam, and up at the ends. I put them all in a glass baking dish.



I opened the bags, and drizzled each with more lemon juice. Delicious.



I made extras for leftovers, as I usually do, but I wouldn't recommend it. Just buy what you are going to eat that night... The leftovers were not as tasty as they were fresh from the bag. I served them with a little pasta, and I would definitely do it again, especially when I'd like to be "faux fancy" for company.

Grilled Vegetable Lasagna

I'm not doing a low-carb throwback to 2001 here, but a good veggie lasagna can be made without the noodles. It's kind of fun, and you can have big pieces of vegetables without grinding them into the sauce or the filling... I just use them instead of the noodles.

I cut the vegetables lengthwise and grill and season them first (I use a grill pan). Then, importantly, you have to pat them very, very dry with paper towels. Otherwise they will cook down further in the pan, and you'll have a soggy lasagna (which is still pretty good, actually, you just have to drain it somewhat.) Then you put a bit of sauce in your pan, and lay the veggies down as you would the noodles.



You can use any veggie you like: eggplant (which you don't have to salt and drain if you grill them), zucchini, yellow squash, even potatoes, which have starch and actually help thicken things up a bit. (I know, I should have cut these eggplant lengthwise, but I forgot. Still pretty good. Doesn't matter, really, as long as they are sliced thinly.)



You alternate the layers with the filling: a mixture of one medium tub of ricotta (again, drained very well), one egg, one cup of mozzarella cheese, a half cup to one cup of parmesan, a couple tablespoons of diced flat parsley,  a little salt and pepper, and a dash of nutmeg. Don't use too much filling, or you'll have the water problem again.

I top mine with smoked gouda or mozzarella, some more parmesan, and bake it at about 375 degrees for 45 minutes.



You can also add ground turkey meat or ground sausage to the sauce, or simply add tomato paste to the drained ground meat, and use that as a layer (which again helps it to stay undiluted). Or, go on your merry veggie way and skip the meat.



The smoky flavor adds a little interest to it. Just steer clear of Trader Joe's Light Smoked Gouda. Terrible. I'll never go the way of light cheese again. Remember the Friends episode where one of the guys compares how much he hates something to Monica's feelings on light mayonnaise? (She says, "IT'S NOT MAYONNAISE!!") Well, that's how I feel about light cheese. Plastic doesn't melt, folks. If you wanna go light, I say eat real food and try portion control instead.



Or not... It IS veggies, after all.

Open-Faced Chicken Cordon Bleu with Dill and Wine Sauce

Okay, if my efforts hit the mark, that sounds fancy - but it only took me about twenty minutes to make this dish.

I started with some pre-pounded chicken breasts (the Perdue Fit & Easy). I browned them (and cooked them through, because really, they're so thin) in a pan with a little olive oil, and seasoned them with salt and pepper. Then I removed them to a cookie sheet on some aluminum foil, and made the sauce in the same pan.

I started with a roux, with just a little butter and some flour added to the pan until it is combined (when it balls up and smells a little nutty. Can't wait to see what searches bring up THAT phrase).



Then I added some wine (nothing measured, of course), about enough to cover the bottom of the pan. Remember the salmon with dill sauce? Well, I had some leftover sauce, and I added it to the pan (or you could just add butter, dill, sour cream or milk, lemon juice and chicken stock to taste). If your sauce is too thick, you can thin it out with some chicken stock. If it is too thin, you can put some flour in a Pyrex cup, add some of the warm sauce (a few tablespoons) to the mix, whisk it, then add that back to the pan. But let your sauce come to a full, gentle boil before you judge the thickness: that's when the flour roux really kicks in.

Separately, I put the chicken breasts in the oven with some prosciutto and sliced ham (you can use either, I just happened to have both since we'd had company that week, and I was stocked up on pork products. Because when you come to my house? You generally get meat). Then I topped it with swiss cheese and melted it all together. You can do this while you're making the sauce, if you're super efficient.



Take the chicken out of the oven, pour the sauce on top and serve with asparagus and French bread. Why? Because it's "Frenchy." (Then, if you're a fan of "Better Off Dead," you can serve it at your holiday dinner with "Franch fries... AND, Franch dressing... AND, Franch bread. AND, to drink... PERU!")

My Fancy Hostess

While getting larger and larger, I think Chris has lost more and more weight "stepping and fetching" for me: because getting up off the couch is just hard right now. While sick in the first trimester, I didn't get up much at all. I'd like to say that I'm just as active as I was before I got pregnant, but contrary to my high expectations for myself, taking a slow walk for a half hour is a real source of pride for me right now. When I used to be heard saying, "Hey! I did FIVE miles in under 45 minutes today!" you might now hear me saying, "Hey! I totally got up and walked after my nap today, instead of just eating and going back to bed!" I need a t-shirt that says, "Just Happy to be Ambulatory." And maybe it should have one of those slow-moving alert triangles on the back.

To further disappoint those who haven't yet walked a half-mile in a pregnant lady's overstuffed shoes, I must also admit that I've fallen into the habit of a little something sweet and a big glass of milk before bed. I sleep so much better this way. And I've been watching a lot of cook shows, like "Next Food Network Star" since the nausea left town. I think it is rubbing off on Chris, because he fancied up my snack the other day. Dig the chocolate swirl!



The plates are some that I found on deep discount after last Halloween at Jewel. They were in stacks as sets, with the black crow figure interchanged with a black cat silhouette, a jack-o-lantern, or a spider. I mined out all the crows that I could find and just bought those (and I don't remember where I acquired the Miss Piggy "Pigs in Space" Welch's glass, but she's been with me a long time.)

Thanks, Chris, for all your stepping and fetching. You'll get your wife back, at least somewhat, before the year is out!

Mimi's Pumpkin Cookies

You all know how much I dislike baking. I dislike the powdery mess, the multiple dishes and bowls covered in the sticky mess, and most of all I dislike the measuring -- which I normally do not do any of in my cooking. I also dislike the subsequent weight gain. If I'm gonna gain weight, I'd typically like it to be from the consumption of deep fried cheeses. I get a lot more of a thrill from those items. That's just my bent.

But now, hello Diane, take a look at these cookies!



Aren't those beautiful cookies? Yeah, and you won't see me cranking out a product like that. And I didn't. Chris made these cookies. ALL BY HIMSELF.

If you haven't been reading very long, or if you don't know us personally, you may not be dropping your jaw to the appropriate level at this moment. I'm not trying to be condescending or rude to Chris. He's one fart smeller, and downright brilliant in a lot of areas. In one or two areas, he is actually Rain Man. But he's not so much with the cooking. So when he found a recipe in the Tribune for "Mimi's Pumpkin Cookies," I had my doubts. (UPDATE: scroll down for recipe). These cookies had FROSTING on them, for crying out loud. Oh, sure! And let's just turn the sofa into a rocket and fly our fat asses to the frigging moon while we're at it!



We had a bit of the "blind leading the blind" situation at first. It isn't that I refused to help, it was just that I wasn't much help. "Is pumpkin purée the same as pumpkin pie filling?" he asked when calling from the store. I had no idea. A call to his mom confirmed that the "pie filling" variety was probably seasoned, or had other things added. Ah. I should have thought of that, owing to my years of experience with canned puréed tomatoes, vs. "tomato sauce."

He came home and got to work, and there was only one further bump in the road. And it wasn't even his fault. The printed recipe had listed an egg, but didn't actually say when to add the egg. So once Chris realized this, he scooped up the dough he had already parceled out onto the cookie sheet and blended in the egg. Then he redistributed them. The only thing I added to the process was that I suggested adding a little ginger.



I'm not usually a fan of non-chocolate items, but these cookies were just about perfect. They were lightly spicy, crunchy and delicate. Chris was generous enough to bring over half of them to work, and he was more than a little insulted when they didn't vanish right away. "Don't they know how GOOD these COOKIES ARE??" he said when he got home.

Well, I do babe. And believe me, I won't forget it! In our house, the baker's crown is officially yours. "You complete me."

P.S. I should also mention that Chris took all the photos in this entry, too! My baby is all growns up and a food blogger...

UPDATE: I totally found it. I cannot believe I located this recipe, which I had clipped out but tucked into the pages of Saveur magazine, which I then took to my in-laws to make with the mac-and-cheese recipe in the magazine. Then promptly packed away and just UNpacked a year later. Anyway, here it is, out-of-print from the Chicago Tribune, and I hope they don't mind me reprinting it by popular demand! (And btw, Mimi is the name of someone's grandmother). My additions are in italics:

For cookies:
1 cup each: granulated sugar, vegetable shortening, pumpkin puree
1 egg
2 cups flour
1 tsp each: baking soda, baking powder, vanilla, cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt

For icing:
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
3 Tblesp. butter, milk
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 cup confectioner's sugar

1. Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Sift (or whisk) the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt together in a large bowl; stir in the vanilla and cinnamon. Set aside.

2. Beat sugar (and egg) and shortening with a mixer on medium speed until creamy; add the pumpkin puree. Beat until just mixed together; reduce mixer speed to low. Add 1/4 cup of the flour mixture, beating until combined. Repeat with remaining mixture, beating after each addition.

3. Drop by generous teaspoonfuls onto a cookie sheet. Bake until barely brown, about 15 to 20 minutes.

4. For icing, combine the brown sugar, butter, milk, and vanilla in a medium microwave-safe bowl. Heat on high (100% power) until brown sugar melts, about 1 and 1/2 minutes. Remove from microwave. Stir in confectioner's sugar until icing is smooth, adding a bit more milk if needed to desired consistency. Spoon icing over each cookie.

My First Hollandaise Sauce, and Chicken Cordon Bleu Roll-Ups

And it was good!



I was inspired by this post on the Home Cook's blog to do another chicken roll-up with a creamy, lemony sauce. Theirs looked awesome, but I wanted just a straight hollandaise on this particular day. So I went hunting of the FoodTV site, and I found one by Tyler Florence that calls for a whole stick of butter. Ah, no. I figured there would be some way to lighten up what is basically warm mayonnaise once I found a feasible recipe... And this one by Paula Deen did the trick. Here it is reprinted, with my changes added in italics:

2 egg yolks
4 tablespoons cream (I used 4 tablespoons nonfat yogurt)
2 large tablespoons butter (I used light butter)
1/2 lemon, juiced
1 teaspoon ground mustard
pinch cayenne
Pinch salt
Pinch sugar
Chicken broth, optional
1 tablespoon white vinegar

The instructions were, "Combine all ingredients in the top of a double boiler, over boiling water. Stir until thick, approximately 3 minutes; set aside until ready to use. Do not reheat or cover the pot. Thin, if needed with a little chicken broth. Stir in the vinegar." I did the heating part, and it wasn't coming together or thickening... So I quickly added a dissolved teaspoon of corn starch, and added a tablespoon of Just Too Good! light mayo and whisked those in. Then it came together perfectly. I don't know if I needed the additions, or if I was just impatient and it would have thickened anyway... But it worked!

For the chicken cordon bleu, I flattened two chicken breasts, and then covered them with some prosciutto I had bought for Chris' lunches (hey, it was in the house, anyway). Then I just put in a half-stick of string cheese in each, and some smoked Monterey jack cheese. I tied them with string, and just lightly grilled the sides of them.



I then put the chicken in a covered dish and baked them for 20-25 minutes more on 375. Then I grilled some asparagus, because you know, it is the dream of all young asparaguses to one day be bathed in hollandaise sauce. And who am I to dash the hopes of any young asparagi? Guses?



When all was done, I sliced the chicken and laid it out attractively on the plate for its close-up.



I have to say, it was just right. It had a lovely tang to it, and just the right lemony taste with a little vinegar in at the end. I ended up spreading it on not only the asparagus, but the chicken, and a dinner roll as well.

Deviled Eggs

What's spring or summer without a deviled egg? Answer, "a sad one, indeed."



I made these awhile ago -- on Easter, I believe -- and neglected to post them. But in going through my files, they looked so yummy I didn't want to forget about them.

I had boiled the eggs, and had a dickens of a time getting the shells off, even under cold running water. In "Googling" a solution to this, I found a patent for a shell ripper, (which I assume has become the "Eggstractor" you see on TV), but who wants to buy a new item? I don't have the room for that in my tiny kitchen. Not when the unused waffle-maker is collecting enough dust for everyone. Then I read several threads which had such useful recommendations as "crack the shell all over," and "cool off the eggs." Really? You mean the egg is INSIDE that shell thing..? And I shouldn't peel them boiling hot? Wow, I didn't know that. Sheesh.

Some did say not to overcook the eggs (10 minutes only), to simmer in salt and vinegar, and to use older eggs (because gas has permeated the shell). Guess I'll try those next time... Anyone else know any tricks?

Anyway, I used a hand mixer for the yolks. I added:

• a dollop of Just Too Good! mayo


• about a tablespoon of vinegar


• a little sugar


• a couple shots of hot sauce


• garlic and onion powder


• a little dijon mustard


• salt and pepper

That's pretty much it... I just kept playing with it until I liked the taste. I used a hand-mixer, and then a pastry bag to pipe it on all pretty-like. However, even the smallest unbroken piece of yolk clogged up the whole works and required extraction... So I think next time I will put the whole deal into the food processor, whir it up, and break up the yolks very well before I add the mayo and liquids. Or find a bigger nozzle...

Even with the poor peeling, and the nozzle problems, they came out quite pretty and very tasty. They were a little zippy, just how I like them. I dusted them with paprika. I could have added some fresh dill to the inside, but this batch was destined for a family affair, and I decided to just put little sprigs on the top so that anyone who didn't like it could just take it off.

How do you like your deviled eggs (with more, or less "devil")?

Pesto and Goat Cheese Pasta and Taters

I'm even more eager than before to sell our condo and get into a home, since our last trip to my in-laws home. As if the smallish kitchen wasn't motive enough, my "MIL," Wilma, had a bountiful crop of fresh herbs growin' like crazy in her backyard. She grows a lot of them in pots, so this would technically be possible for us, since we have a large balcony. However, it faces north, so while this is pleasant because the sun is never direct, it isn't great for growing summer herbs, since the sun is never direct. For now, I'll just have to settle for hacking into her large basil and tomato supply, and trucking them home with me.



Pesto is so simple to make with a food processor, and you can use lots of different things as your "base" -- such as artichoke hearts, spinach, or in this case, basil. Layer up your washed herbs, begin with just a drizzle of olive oil, and about a quarter cup of toasted pignolis (I reserve another quarter cup for later.) Add about three cloves garlic, a good shake of parmesan or romano, salt and pepper, a small shake of red pepper flakes, put the top on and give it a few pulses. Then, while whirring continuously, drizzle up to a half cup more extra-virgin olive oil through the opening. I don't measure, I just whir until it looks like the consistency I want. Then I add the juice of one lemon. Lastly, I add the remaining pignolis (pine nuts) and pulse a couple of times (I do this because I want some crunch, and I don't want all the pine nuts completely pulverized.)

Have you ever combined pasta and potatoes? You can, you know. I heated my leftover potatoes and squash, and in a separate pot I boiled whole-wheat pasta. Then I tossed in frozen artichoke hearts and green beans at the last moment, just until they thawed and heated. Then I strained the whole pot, and added the potatoes and squash, and the pesto. I also crumbled in some goat cheese, and added diced tomatoes to the top.



The dish was so rich and yet fresh all at the same time. The buttery cinnamon and coriander seasoning I had used lightly on the potatoes gave the dish such a depth and additional dimension, though I think just using plain boiled potatoes would have been very tasty, too. As another note, you can use toasted walnut pieces if you can't find pignolis.



The leftovers of this dish reheated very nicely, though they did not hang around for long!

Vegetable Risotto

One day not long ago I found myself with a great deal of mozzarella and fresh produce on hand, which not the worst position in which to find oneself. This risotto is a great way to get rid of a whole bunch of produce at once, if you're concerned about using it all before it goes bad... I diced up everything I had in the fridge: some garlic, onion, zucchini, yellow squash, mushrooms, and red and yellow bell peppers. I sauteed the diced veggies in some olive oil with salt and pepper, in smaller chunks than I usually might have done, because I already had plans for the leftovers. (Wouldn't you like to know).

I then added all of the risotto that I had in the house, and stirred it all around until just toasty -- when the arborio rice starts to look a little translucent. Then you begin adding the liquid that is recommended on the box a bit at a time (if you are a box-reading sissy, that is), letting it cook down a bit before adding some more. Add, stir, add, stir. I used chicken stock, but you could use water or vegetable stock, too. Personally, I didn't measure anything. The best part about arborio rice is that it "tells" you when you are done adding liquid. You can taste it, and it should have a cooked rice texture instead of a crunch. Here it is before it is quite cooked:



When it is all said and done (maybe 20 minutes or so), I put the veggie risotto into individual crocks and broiled some good mozzarella cheese on top of each. Oh man. What's better than that? And it was so easy.



Chris and I each got our own little private casserole, which was cute. I think this would be a great way to get some veggies into veggie-proof kids, too, because it was all chopped fine and hidden beneath that blanket of mozzarella. If you think they'd pull the cheese off the top, then you could mix it up a little before giving it to them. That way, when they grow up, you can laugh and tell them how much smarter than them you used to be. It might make you feel better about the fact that they never call or write.



Stay tuned for the fate of the leftover risotto and mozzarella cheese...

Tuna Salad Niçoise

This is a recipe that I made up, after being inspired by a tuna salad niçoise that I had ordered at a restaurant that had boiled potatoes in it. The tuna I ordered up was fresh tuna, done medium rare, but I used canned tuna... and it still tastes very fancy. Really, the traditional salad is served room temperature, but this modification is great ice cold out of the fridge for up to a week -- when all of the flavors have married together.



3/4 sack of Yukon Gold potatoes
1 large can albacore tuna, drained
large bunch fresh green beans, ends trimmed and cut in half
1/2 finely diced red onion
two handfuls rough chopped arugula
3 cloves minced garlic
handful minced fresh dill
1/2 bottle of champagne vinaigrette, or Newman's Light Honey Mustard dressing
juice of 1 lemon, plus plenty of grated lemon zest
plenty of salt, and pepper

Dice and boil the potatoes, steam the beans briefly and rinse all with cold water. Then just combine the rest to taste. I used some of that fancy champagne vinaigrette dressing the first time, but at 20 grams of fat per serving, I tried the Newman's light dressing (honey mustard) the second time, and I think I liked it even better. Also, if you don't want your salad to bite you back (although the flavors mellow a lot in the fridge) quite so much, you can use less garlic -- or substitute garlic powder. But I'm convinced that anything so potent has to have magical powers (and not just the power to make your date disappear,) so of course I'll stick with the raw garlic.

And I wouldn't skimp on the lemon or zest -- that's what makes this such a refreshingly crisp summer salad.

Happy Spring!

And very nearly summer... It was very warm up here today.

Just a pic of the flower cookies I made from the leftover cookie dough I had with the "Baby Teeth" cookies. I used the Christmas wreath cookie cutter and made a daisy pattern with the frosting that came in the kit. I had to transport these, so I dried the frosting for a few minutes on the cookies in an oven on the lowest temperature setting with the door open a crack for 15 minutes or so... Worked really well, since the frosting that came in the kit was a little more like cake frosting than the pure sugar frosting I had made myself.



Now go get some sun, run around and burn off those cookies!

Turkey Bacon Bread

This past year, at some point, I saw Paula Deen bake off some breadsticks with bacon wrapped around them. I wondered if I could recreate the dish with light breadstick dough and turkey bacon. They came out very nicely (not to spoil the ending).



I took refrigerated breadstick dough, twisted them, sprinkled them with parmesan cheese shreds, and baked them off halfway (just until they were a semi-solid object that I could wrap the bacon around.) Then I wrapped them with turkey bacon so that the ends were tucked underneath, and put them in for another ten minutes or so (or just over half the time remaining.)

We ate them with a salad, with my beloved goat cheese and some veggies.



Chris really enjoyed these, and they reheated very nicely out of the fridge. I think he just used the microwave, but I'm not sure. I just know that for a few days I would see him walking around the house, happily snacking on a bacon stick at any time at random.

Here's one last and slightly disturbing shot, with Chris looking a bit like a Shel Silverstein illustration, ominously moving in on some unsuspecting breadsticks...

X-Rated Bachelorette Bread

I have thought long and hard about posting this, and believe me, that's only the first of several dirty pun opportunities that I'm probably going to fall into during the course of this post without even knowing. But I mean, there are some lovely people reading this blog now, including someone's grandmother, for crying out loud. But I still "gotta be me, what else can I be?" Call it artistic integrity, if you're inclined to be optimistic about my character. Or if not, blame the fact that too many of my formative years were spent in an all-male household, and as we all know, men are dirty, dirty pigs. Right? Okay, we'll blame them.

So while warning you that this post is not for the faint-hearted, or those with delicate (or even normal) sensibilities, I give you without further ado... Cheezy Olive Penis Bread. Now famous amongst about ten of my closest friends, whom I have personally horrified with its presentation.



Why, oh why, you are asking, would I do something like this? Well, two things brought about my horrific creation. Long ago, I made some pepperoni rolls, in an attempt to recreate the ones that are sold by Gumby's Pizza in Champaign, IL. And I was pretty successful. It was photographed, of course.



I used refrigerated light breadstick dough or pizza dough, and turkey pepperoni (low in fat). I wrapped the dough around a stick of light string cheese and the pepperoni, and brushed them with a little light butter when they came out. Then we dipped them in light ranch dressing. (I think all that light stuff adds up, so they weren't very fatty at all.) They were delicious, but Chris and I couldn't help but notice that they had a slightly, ah, rude shape that made us snicker. A "two-headed" appearance, if you will.

The next fateful event was the engagement of my delightful friend, Jenny. We had a bachelorette gathering in her honor, to which she specified, "absolutely no penises, please." She was more referring to something large or inflatable that she would be forced to wear/carry/take photos with as we went out later on... But my first reaction, of course, was to make it a most penisful evening, indeed. She's a nice person, and she doesn't deserve to be treated that way. Serves her right for having me in her life.

I went to the naughty store, and I thought about purchasing the penis cake pan. But, how typical is that? My friend deserved better. Something crafted by my own loving hands. Aha, I remembered! The pepperoni rolls! All I needed to do was alter the, ah, base. Oh, I'm not gonna dance around it, if you've read this far, you can take it. I needed a nutsack. So I purchased some gourmet jalepeno-cheese stuffed olives, and some black olives (because I didn't know which size would look better.) Let the experimentation begin!

I told Chris when I got back from the store that I was going to bake a batch of bread in the shape of penises. "Okay," he said, shrugging. "I'll take the pictures for you."



I figured out early on that I couldn't incorporate the pepperoni, or any pasta sauce (I had thought at first to make them pizza-style). There just wasn't room in there. Plus, the red pizza sauce sort of took it from "stag film" to "snuff film." I didn't want to go there, quite. (I wanted to be Rip Taylor, not Lorena Bobbitt). I also realized that simply pinching the dough together wouldn't keep it from bursting open (I know, I know) so I started using toothpicks, weaving them into a seam. I only had colored toothpicks -- yellow (I know, I know).



I placed the olives and the cheese, well, you know. Then I wove one toothpick through the top, making the unspeakable vein shape. Hang in there. Then I folded the top over, and pinned it with one more toothpick at the back, forming, um, the little hole. Sorry, everyone, so sorry. We're almost there.

Some of them still opened a little in the oven, but overall, they came out ("It's Raining Men" starts playing at those words) pretty well. I brought some marinara sauce and um, ranch for dipping with me to the party. (I know, I know).

I walked into a room full of still-sober ladies who asked me, "What did you bring, Gina?" "Penis bread," I announced. There was not one snicker of laughter. Nothing. I could actually hear the crickets chirping. Then someone, Ann I think, said, "Well, let me try one!" Ann is a fairly picky eater, and for being the first brave soul to try my creation, she promptly bit into the one toothpick I had been unsuccessful in finding. Yeah, watch out for that. And she doesn't even like olives.

"Oh dang," I thought. Failure! I thought. But slowly, with some drinks and growing hunger, every lady tried a uh, member of her own. Everyone talked about how delicious they were. I was like, yeah, great, but don't you think it's funny? Sure, sure, they said. Give me another one, they said, I'm starving.

I realized as the party went on that I had gotten so caught up in my project that I hadn't gotten Jenny a rude gift, as everyone else had done. Ann said, "Gina... Did you, or did you not fashion bread into the shape of a penis?" Yes, Ann. Yes I did.



When my friends bring this up, they still say "those were so tasty! Make those again!" And I'm okay with that. The novelty factor still makes me chuckle, personally, but in the end (if you spotted that one, you really do have a dirty mind) I'd rather people thought my food was tasty than anything else. Shape doesn't really matter.

Baby Teeth

Okay. Not a baker. We've been over that.

So when I was arranging a surprise shower for my friend Jen M. at school, I had this idea to bake cookies in the shape of teeth and brushes with cutters that I got at RDH Novelties and Gifts, use them for favors, and put a little card on each bag that said "A New Set of Baby Teeth!" But I don't even like making the sugar cookie dough from a box mix, let alone from scratch (and let's face it, I'm not very good at it either way, see "Christmas Cookies in L.A.") so I went to the store in search of the pre-made kind that comes in a tube. See, I'm more interested in the crafty aspects of cookie making... the decorating. But lo, when I arrived at the store, I saw that Pilsbury has at last produced cookie dough already made, and already flattened into sheets of the perfect thickness. They seem to be a seasonal item, just for Easter, I think. Just another reason why it is so, so great that Jesus rose from the dead. Let's just say I felt saved... for a second time. Oh, and they were on sale!

I knew I had to make enough cookies for 40 people, so that meant 40 toothbrushes, and 80-100 teeth (I put two in each bag.) And, oh, have you seen the size of my kitchen?



I turned the little space into a busy little factory. But, you're thinking, I took a shortcut. It should have been easy, right? Well, yes. But a bit time consuming. The little pieces on the molars took some finesse.



I had to figure out, also, how to elevate the cookies a bit, or at least place them on something that I didn't have to bake them on... Because I knew there would be run-off from the icing. I also didn't use the icing that came with the cookies, because I wanted it to harden nicely. So I used powdered sugar and a little milk.



The necessity of all the types of surfaces I would need was almost too much for the little alley kitchen I've got. The cookie dough, however, came with little cardboard trays and wax paper, so I transferred them to those for frosting. (I only have one cookie rack that we registered for, for crying out loud).



I mixed blue food coloring with the frosting for the toothbrushes. Jen was having a boy (she has now had the boy, Brandon, and I already love the boy), so I wanted a nice soft blue. For all this, I used a cake/pastry decorating kit I'd gotten at Jewel some time ago... But I think trimming the corner off of a plastic bag would have worked just fine.



It was a gluey, mortar-like mess by the end. The frosting hardens on your hands, the bowl, the spatula... And I wasn't sure if the blue was going to come off of everything. (I mean, the blue! My god, the blue!) But it all came out with machine-like precision (thank you again, my Lord and Savior). And Chris very much enjoyed eating my mistakes. And mugging with them, as well.



The cookies dried overnight, and I put them into bags the next day. I may have just bit off more than I could chew with the whole shower... I also had the task of getting two enormous wrapped strollers upstairs, and sweet-and-sour meatballs in a crockpot. But I had a lot of help, and all the other girls at school really went the extra mile, too. They all said the cookies were delicious. And I think Jen was at least mostly surprised. :) It was a blast!

Don Roth's Blackhawk Restaurant

For my birthday a couple weeks ago, I chose the exact same restaurant we went to last year, and ordered exactly the same things. It sounds boring, but I had waited a whole year... And you can build up quite an appetite in that amount of time!

Don Roth's Blackhawk holds the current position of my very favorite restaurant. (Other than Roscoe's Chicken-n-Waffles, in L.A. More on that later). I love the history and the ambience... and I have now been lucky enough to have two perfect meals there. And sorry, in my anticipation and purtying up for the evening, I forgot the camera. Thank goodness for that camera phone!

Your meal begins with bread crisps that are covered with drawn butter, and huge amounts of sweet roasted garlic. Enough said, there.



Next, just as last year, we got the shrimp cocktail. Again, not reinventing the wheel here, but it is just a perfect example. The shrimp are large and perfect, and the cocktail sauce is sweet and made from scratch (I think so, anyway). It is almost like a sweet-and-sour sauce.



Don Roth's is famous for their "spinning salad bowl." They actually sell the salad dressing in the grocery store, but I hadn't thought much of it when I purchased it before I went to the restaurant. I recommend using it a marinade, though... So what happens in the house is, the server comes over and does this special sort of act with the salad prep in front of you. He will whizz the bowl around over a bed of ice, and add the house dressing and toss the salad as he does so. Then he add blue cheese dressing IN ADDITION TO THE HOUSE DRESSING. Yeah. Happy birthday to me! Then he offers you the choice of "anchovies, shrimp, or both?" Chris and I had not heard the "both" portion of the deal the last time, and we exchanged a look, like, "Oh, you know we're taking both."



You would think that I would be full by this point, but if it is possible, I think I was actually hungrier than when I came in.

Next step? My prime rib. This is the small, the smallest portion that they have (!) The server asked me how I wanted it done, and of course the answer to that is, "however it comes off when the cook slices it is how I want it on the plate." That'll be approximately medium-rare.

And you GOTS to get the twice-baked potato. Now, I am very picky about my TBP's. At our wedding reception, my mother-in-law was pushing for the selection of that restaurant's twice-baked... But though the otherwise utterly fantastic food was the reason we chose Monastero's (and I mean, like your sainted mother made it herself), I knew that, weirdly, the potatoes were the kind that come frozen. (You can always tell this by those perfect little machine-placed whipped peaks on the top.) She thinks they are great, but I say she can keep 'em (we got the risotto, with peas, which was terrif). Anyway, I want my TBP mixed up on the spot with real cheese and sour cream. I mean, those are fine, but who wants to go to a restaurant for something you can buy at Jewel? Well, if you are the same way I am, Roth's will not disappoint!



Afterwards, I awaited my large red balloon and free dessert. This last visit found the restaurant quite a bit busier than the last time, I guess since it actually was St. Patrick's Day. I gave up on the candle and the song, and asked for a dessert menu. My waiter said, "Oh, I got something special coming for ya!"



I can see why he thought I would like it. Chris' instructions were, "something so chocolatey you could die from it." We got a chocolate cake with a scoop of vanilla, and hot fudge. While I thought the flourless torte we got last time was better, I thought the hot fudge was insanely good.



You can see how much we hated it.

UPDATE: Sadly, the owners of the Blackhawk have retired, and their children did not follow them into the business. Don Roth's closed in December of 2009.

The Low-Carb Experiment (Part 3 of 3)

So here's the last thing I did on Ma's last illustrious weekend here. And boy, she hasn't been getting this treatment lately. She's been coming into the hygiene clinic to sit as my patient, and then going home the next day. I'll treat her like a special guest again in May!

The Kraft South Beach book had a recipe for Sun-Dried Tomato Steaks... only thing is, it called for some no-carb steak sauce that I couldn't find. And what I mean by that is, they didn't have it at Joe Caputo's, and I didn't go anywhere else. I made them with the cheat of using my beloved Country Bob's steak sauce instead.



They were very simple to make. You brown lean steaks in the pan, then remove them. In the pan, you then sautee garlic and sun-dried tomatoes (Caputo's had excellent fresh ones, of course, that smelled like a summer garden). Then you add some beef broth, and some steak sauce, and pour that over your steaks. Poof. Fancy steaks.

The mock potatoes are steamed cauliflower that you transfer to the food processor. I added lowfat ricotta cheese, salt and pepper, garlic, and parmesan. You can also use fat-free cream cheese. You can add broth or milk, if you need to thin them. I think they were everyone's favorite part of the meal. They need a lot of seasoning, but once you add plenty I think they are delicious. They reheat really well, too, over the course of up to a week and then some. (I made a lot).

After her time here, I called Ma and she said she'd given up on South Beach already. Still, I think the recipes are keepers. Personally, I can't say I really believe in any diet that requires me to do anything too precisely. I'd rather stick to my own parameters, and the flexibility that I have within those "personal rules." I'd rather go light one day if I overdid things the day before. It just feels less fascist.