Monday, February 14, 2011

Heart-Shaped Stuff, or "Happy Black Monday"

I was gonna call this post, "Hey! Wait! I've Got a New Complaint," but, eh. Maybe I'm dating myself with that. And hey, maybe YOU'RE dating yourself this Valentine's Day! In which case, you probably don't wanna hear any more about it, in which case, I apologize. I'm remembering one particular V-Day in Chicago, when I went to pick up my roommate and friend Katie after work. I stopped at a gas station off Ohio Street, and promptly locked my keys in my car. I soon had the help of two cabbies, one minivan mom, and no less than eight gangbangers trying to help me break into my own car. The cabbie had an illegal jimmy in his trunk, but it didn't work on a car "as old as mine." The gangbangers fished out a coat hanger, but after an hour it was finally me that extended it long enough to unlock the door on the side opposite me. All the criminals cheered, and the mom got in her car as quickly as possible. Spending the day that way just made being single that much more special for me.

Well, this Valentine's Day, I will have three dates. I haven't made any dinner plans, and we don't have a babysitter that day, so I may be employing the old standard: a heart-shaped pizza.

This one is from Wayne's in Arlington Heights, but most pizza places do this. A nice option for some of the fellas: pair this with a nice piece of jewelry, and no one will really care that you didn't cook (plus she gets the night off from it). Just a thought.

If you want more of a simple breakfast-in-bed, jump-up, kick-in-the-privates from the adorable children, you can pair a "red scramble" (good diced salami, scrambled with eggs, topped with parmesan) with a heart-shaped artisan roll:

Easy to do - just use an oblong roll with rounded ends, cut in half on the diagonal, and then split. You could use red jam if you wanted to go further with the red thing.

Just for fun, I have some photos of some other heart-shaped things. Since this is a food blog, I'll spare you the picture of the perfect heart my cat left in his litter box, and just show you the heart-shaped potato I found!

Cutting it in half was a bit weird, though. And sometimes I cut into a pepper, and there's another little baby pepper in there. This one had a heart inside, which I found cool, and then upsetting and anatomical.

Well, anyway. Neither here nor there, but what other post was I gonna use those pictures on?

Have a Happy Valentine's Day, or alternatively, just get through it without drunkenly attacking any singing telegrams, tearing the heads off someone else's flowers, or locking your keys in your own car.

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